Want an update you say?
...Oh boy! Let's not and say we did, shall we?
I'm not quite sure that you have the time or energy for any of the trivialities that occurred over the past few weeks, let alone the past few days. Of all the madness that I went through.... ....alright, alright.
In brief: {heehee}
Three months ago I came back form the UK, as you perhaps have already read, and I expected to get some papers prepared for yet [in a loud speaker voice] Another Adventure- into S. Korea.
This fairly easy process nowadays slowly became one tough nut to crack as time went on.
I can now say, 2 agencies with 3tries later and things are now finally on the ball. I am going to South Korea for one full year in two days- Monday night.
These past few weeks this feeling suddenly came over me..space was nothing more but another town every other day or week, and time was no more of a concept to me as it was for a five year old. Furthermore, people that I saw, conversations that I had and dreams that I envisioned soon became one. At times, and for a brief moment, I found myself not able to keep a thought together and not able to keep hand in glove these days.
So far, from where I began, my thoughts were on a high roll;
"This is a real good adventure that is about to begin for me..Meandering along onto foreign lands will be exhilarating",
to a low grind;
"What on earth is going on...Things around me are happening and I question, am I not meant to go? What does it all mean? Does it have to mean anything at all? Uh Oh... Ouch my chest is hurting and I can't breathe, and it's been an hour- what the..?"
{Unfortunately, true story. However, there goes more...}
Rather than digress, because I'm doing rather well.....
The oddest things were happening; from missing a bus that I was never supposed to take, and having employment not pan out, to having a document miss-read and having clearances delayed, but then rapidly be issued at the very last moment. Then it just gets me thinking, this epitomizes my life works. Not that I have a long history of such great employments, but the fact is I'm always just plopped into everything. Which is great, and I'm absolute more than thrilled to do that because I get bored during training time....any training time. I like just doing it.
Then, suddenly when I found out an actual departure date for the planned journey, we're stuck registering right before the holiday season. huh.
Once again, I return to everyone and tell them the date has changed.
"How about I let you know when I'm down there....I think we've said enough good-byes...I mean seriously, my liver is begging me here."
Needless to say, I can't believe this moment is actually happening and I can hardly contain my excitement! I am about to board an international flight this coming Monday night and arrive in Seoul Wednesday morning at 3:45 am. Heehe Only to wait five hours for an hour flight to Busan.
Alluding to the emotional upsets...you see, this entire application for working in S. Korean certainly became an adventure of its own. Things that were meant to take a few days or weeks took months, and in the end the things that ought to have taken weeks took days even minutes. I felt catapulted onto this merry-go-round that was running fast, but yet that was moving in slow motion.
I've been having these emotional upsets for various reasons, one of which I never knew when it was that I was actually going, or if I was in fact leaving. I kept telling family and friends I was leaving, then not, then a date, then not...and argh!
Yes, and the whole forcing myself to retreat and really see what it was that I am doing in life..it helped me enjoy simple things more than i did before I thought I was enjoying them. Yet, even after being chilled out for a bit I started to see these ... road blocks as a defeat, but all the meanwhile just kept on keepin' on. In other words, I wasn't sure what it was that I should be thinking, and just was numb by the whole thing.
I utterly gave it my all and now ask myself; "Do I have enough energy to do this now?" Then, a little spot inside me felt all warm and tingly, and that's when I knew that when the timing is right I will be bouncing off the walls again in no time!
I truly learned to slow down and chill out, and did tons of reading. Went to visit family& friends had good cheers! {hehee, Oh,Boy} 'Tis great and I did have fun. Now is the time for work, and I am anxious and more excited than anything to finally begin working again.
Although I did sort of re-learn, so to speak, how to relax and sit back on my own again, these short trips to Ottawa and over to the Korean Consulate were certainly taking a toll on my body. My nerves were practically shot from the awful weather that I had to endure during the five hour drives there and back. Communication misconstrued led to numerous pointless journeys through drastic winter weather storms that made me feel I could break at any moment and get chucked off the road.
At the end of the day, you really have to look back and wonder what posses you to move on and choose that path...even though it's probably one of the toughest paths at times...you still break through it...sometimes after countless thoughts about it...and by the end of it all it was what you needed for you..in selfish none selfish sort of way. It's like...you're thinking of yourself..to create a better you, to help others...by becoming a better you. Hum...yeah...
[silence fills the room and the sound of crickets rises above it all- or maybe not.]
I guess that's what 'they' mean when said 'you just have to weather the storm'- Whether physically and/or metaphysically if you want to come out a little stronger in the end.
You really know if its worth in the end...and it's only just the beginning of this journey.and there are many more in between.
