Play while reading.....
Commitment, one leap of faith you need to take with yourself first.
Having a committal relationship with yourself...the best thing you can do for you. This can be strangely difficult, but all so true. The most important person to have a commitment with is yourself, and if you don't have honesty, trust, strength, joy, integrity, respect and above all love for yourself; even through times of loss, ill regret or impetuosity, then you won't have such a strong hold on commitment with anyone else. Whether it be with your parents, siblings, friends, lovers or in life adventures; and let's face it- everyday is an adventure. A friend once told me that everyday is like a test to see what you can handle, no matter how big or how small.
So, how committed are we with ourselves?
Let me clarify how I see the meaning of the word 'commit'...
Of course the dictionary meaning would probably include such words as; an assurance, an obligation, un devoir, a duty, a liability, a must, a promise, a responsibility, a vow, an undertaking etc. The list goes on I am sure.
Being committed to your life will bring forth an even strong confidence towards a committal relationship with others. It'll also bring peace and comfort in your own minds eye, thus bringing in peace and comfort to all things around you. It's not to say that everything will be perfect, but at most you won't have a world of a difference when the going gets tough....
An excerpt of a letter to a friend from a few weeks ago:
Titled: ...and the beat goes on
Dear Friend,
It took a little longer to send out this missive.... I wrote, and have re-written all these missives in my mind and on computer, because not one of them came out as positive as I can remember myself being. I also have been sick these past few days and actually took a sick day. I am not normally sick and can generally work through it, but this time I lost my voice and the whole shebang.
Since I've been here it's like I truly warped into some maniac who can't think anything but the negative aspects this life has to offer, hence why I haven't been writing a post on my blog about my thoughts. I am honestly embarrassed of the way my thinking pattern has become so murky and gloomy. I feel, perhaps I was ill in my body because my mind and soul could have been uneasy about a few things...okay many things....I mean, I it's not to say that this life is all about butterscotch lollipops and pockets full of sunshine, but it isn't about constant thunderstorms either.
What I am getting at is, although things are out of place for me...[and as an aside I am born an earth sign- I learned that this is something I must be patient with]it takes time for me to adjust to things more than most. I do love change, but with it comes my logical thoughts tormenting my poor heart. Being out place is something that I need, but is so difficult to endure.
As I return to one of my oldest posts in my mind, I wrote about how rain and such things are a reflection or representation about change in our own mind, body and soul. It's a difficult task and perhaps most easily seen overall by others, or by yourself after all has cleared up. I know that this perhaps the most difficult of situations I have put myself in, as I have secluded myself into a place that is unknown to me, and there is no getting used to it no matter how many travel guides I read, or culture shock books I take in. I am away from the people that I am used to seeing regularly and from the things that make me feel 'comfortable'.
So what is this comfort I speak of...it can't really be about things and people all the time, can it? Should it not come from within?
.... Walking on the wild side...
EarthBound
[and the reply...]
So if you'll pardon a paragraph or two of pontification; your last missive contained a couple of no-holds-barred truths about joy, sorrow and humanity that I can't not babble about.
To quote you . . . hehe =)
"not one of them came out as positive as I can remember myself being"
You were speaking of trying to write a missive, but you could paste that one across actions, mental states, attempts to sing `Hooray for the Day' despite the fact that all you want to do is go back to bed and check the forecast tomorrow.
I won't pretend to know the details of the shadows that occasionally survey you, except to say that I also have shadows which will occasionally camp out atop my location.
The kicker is in where the will gets focused.
"Being out of place is something that I need, but so difficult to endure," you wrote.
And that is absolutely true, especially since you can speak intellectually about the enigma, and put the whole thing down clearly. The road you want to be walking is under your feet; it's just not always bliss.
If it was, it wouldn't be worth walking.
But, and I so loved how you closed your letter,
"Walking on the wild side..."
Perfect! Fantastic! The girl seems to get it.
....Your Friend
So my prerogative is to commit to yourself and trust that your actions are what is best for you. It may seem a little selfish at the time, but I think we all are trying to do the best we can for ourselves in hopes to do some good around us.
We get to really go home when we decide that home IS where the heart lies, and when we're aware of our own heart. Most importantly....that it's always right!
EarthBound
Lyrics to song above!
Well I have been searching all of my days
All of my days
Many a road, you know
I’ve been walking on
All of my days
And I’ve been trying to find
What’s been in my mind
As the days keep turning into night
Well I have been quietly standing in the shade
All of my days
Watch the sky breaking on the promise that we made
All of this rain
And I’ve been trying to find
What’s been in my mind
As the days keep turning into night
Well many a night I found myself with no friends standing near
All of my days
I cried aloud
I shook my hands
What am I doing here
All of these days
For I look around me
And my eyes confound me
And it’s just too bright
As the days keep turning into night
Now I see clearly
It’s you I’m looking for
All of my days
Soon I’ll smile
I know I’ll feel this loneliness no more
All of my days
For I look around me
And it seems He found me
And it’s coming into sight
As the days keep turning into night
As the days keep turning into night
And even breathing feels all right
Yes, even breathing feels all right
Now even breathing feels all right
It’s even breathing
Feels all right
