M.I.A.

Alright...

I've been had.

Here I am now.

I'm a little preoccupied in rearranging to plans for South Korea. Last week was one disaster after the next, and this week has not been quite as brutal but negatively discerning nonetheless.

Last week was the result of having to find and apply for another teaching position, for the original school that I applied with no longer can afford a foreign teacher. Happily, my friend Jonesy picked up my documents so that I could apply elsewhere, but to my dismay the second school that I chose decided to go with someone else. Still in limbo...

So, another week has come and gone, and I find myself in almost the same predicament as the week before. I'm not overly disappointed, but getting tired of this conundrum I now call my life.

I had a dream several weeks ago, and in this dream I kept tripping on these high heeled shoes I was wearing. Asides from the fact that I don't do high heels, my tripping could have just signified my sheer clumsiness, but something was telling me otherwise. [I never did fall, but I kept 'almost' tripping.]

In reality, this past month I felt that I was caught in this alternate world, and where I felt as though the life I was leading was moving in slow motion. As though I was suppose to just stay sat and think about...not thinking.

This feeling created a moment where I felt pulled under, and yet I didn't feel like I should struggle to come back up. I don't mean in a depressed sense, more or less I felt pulled back, but not to a point where I felt helpless. In hindsight, I felt as though I was to take in a deep and long breath of air. I still think that is the case.

I'm just sat here trying to appreciate this free time, and although I did take the time to be around family members and the few of those I've developed a profound and loving relationship with, I am still feeling a sense of being at a loss...a sense of losing....something.

This is also a bitter sweet feeling, too. It's a moment I've been waiting for for as long as I can remember. hehe I think sometimes it physically spawned from the time my mother took me on an 'oldies, but goodies' tour bus. On our way to New York City just us three ladies. I was one of the 4 youngest people there; yet, I was there by choice and was quite happy being surrounded by babyboomers. hehe That was a year ago and couple months today- give or take.

Definitely good times had by all. There was something about being a tourist in a place where you can just explore a different way of living. This reminds me of a story of when we first arrived in NYC we were dropped off in Times Square. For the first time the tour guide ever did this, he and the driver dropped us without a tour guide. We're all starved and head in all directions with who we came with. My mother, her friend and I proceed to drink in this busy, hectic and crazy atmosphere looking for a place to eat.

hee I can't stop laughing every time I think about it..who does this? Anyway, as we're about to cross Broadway and Seventh Avenue I spotted Him. Only in NYC you can find one such man as demented as Him; The Naked Cowboy.

Sorely, I had this grin, only because I thought; 'Man, I saw this guy on t.v. and of all things I get to see him.' Of course, I proceeded to the middle of the cross between both streets to have my poor mother and her friend become assaulted by Him, as he grabs their behinds for a photograph. [still laughing] Mind you, there were plenty of monumental sites that we went to visit, and it was fun being the tourist, but I had enough after 4 days in a city where I couldn't look up to the sky without seeing sky scrapper after sky scrapper. In fact, I don't think there was much room for the sky...I was getting nauseated, it was rather too claustrophobic for me.

What's more, is that in traveling to places that require you to almost become these people gives you a greater sense of gaining perspective on their own 'survival' if you will. When I was in that city there was something inside of me wanted that wanted more. Something appealed to me from within and wanted to explore greater things. My eyes wanted to see individuality and see its unity on this fine planet we live on. My heart wanted to feel individuality and feel its consequences of actions, good and bad. My ears and my hands wanted to know individuality is what's real, and to see, feel, and hear its stories, songs, smiles, laughter, touches, and its eyes. For it's in these few things is how we can see how individuality is projected in light of our own reality.

Regardless, that's what creates my world, and I need to explore all my sense to the extreem. The world is my play ground and I haven't even begun to meander along the furtherest of landscapes. I'm really ecstatic because I truly feel it's my time.

My Time.

Kind of like the sounds of that.


I'll try and keep an update as to my whereabouts, and basically catch up in the blogsphere!