As the days keep turning into night...

Play while reading.....



Commitment, one leap of faith you need to take with yourself first.

Having a committal relationship with yourself...the best thing you can do for you. This can be strangely difficult, but all so true. The most important person to have a commitment with is yourself, and if you don't have honesty, trust, strength, joy, integrity, respect and above all love for yourself; even through times of loss, ill regret or impetuosity, then you won't have such a strong hold on commitment with anyone else. Whether it be with your parents, siblings, friends, lovers or in life adventures; and let's face it- everyday is an adventure. A friend once told me that everyday is like a test to see what you can handle, no matter how big or how small.

So, how committed are we with ourselves?

Let me clarify how I see the meaning of the word 'commit'...
Of course the dictionary meaning would probably include such words as; an assurance, an obligation, un devoir, a duty, a liability, a must, a promise, a responsibility, a vow, an undertaking etc. The list goes on I am sure.

Being committed to your life will bring forth an even strong confidence towards a committal relationship with others. It'll also bring peace and comfort in your own minds eye, thus bringing in peace and comfort to all things around you. It's not to say that everything will be perfect, but at most you won't have a world of a difference when the going gets tough....


An excerpt of a letter to a friend from a few weeks ago:
Titled: ...and the beat goes on

Dear Friend,

It took a little longer to send out this missive.... I wrote, and have re-written all these missives in my mind and on computer, because not one of them came out as positive as I can remember myself being. I also have been sick these past few days and actually took a sick day. I am not normally sick and can generally work through it, but this time I lost my voice and the whole shebang.
Since I've been here it's like I truly warped into some maniac who can't think anything but the negative aspects this life has to offer, hence why I haven't been writing a post on my blog about my thoughts. I am honestly embarrassed of the way my thinking pattern has become so murky and gloomy. I feel, perhaps I was ill in my body because my mind and soul could have been uneasy about a few things...okay many things....I mean, I it's not to say that this life is all about butterscotch lollipops and pockets full of sunshine, but it isn't about constant thunderstorms either.
What I am getting at is, although things are out of place for me...[and as an aside I am born an earth sign- I learned that this is something I must be patient with]it takes time for me to adjust to things more than most. I do love change, but with it comes my logical thoughts tormenting my poor heart. Being out place is something that I need, but is so difficult to endure.
As I return to one of my oldest posts in my mind, I wrote about how rain and such things are a reflection or representation about change in our own mind, body and soul. It's a difficult task and perhaps most easily seen overall by others, or by yourself after all has cleared up. I know that this perhaps the most difficult of situations I have put myself in, as I have secluded myself into a place that is unknown to me, and there is no getting used to it no matter how many travel guides I read, or culture shock books I take in. I am away from the people that I am used to seeing regularly and from the things that make me feel 'comfortable'.
So what is this comfort I speak of...it can't really be about things and people all the time, can it? Should it not come from within?
.... Walking on the wild side...
EarthBound

[and the reply...]

So if you'll pardon a paragraph or two of pontification; your last missive contained a couple of no-holds-barred truths about joy, sorrow and humanity that I can't not babble about.

To quote you . . . hehe =)
"not one of them came out as positive as I can remember myself being"

You were speaking of trying to write a missive, but you could paste that one across actions, mental states, attempts to sing `Hooray for the Day' despite the fact that all you want to do is go back to bed and check the forecast tomorrow.

I won't pretend to know the details of the shadows that occasionally survey you, except to say that I also have shadows which will occasionally camp out atop my location.

The kicker is in where the will gets focused.

"Being out of place is something that I need, but so difficult to endure," you wrote.

And that is absolutely true, especially since you can speak intellectually about the enigma, and put the whole thing down clearly. The road you want to be walking is under your feet; it's just not always bliss.

If it was, it wouldn't be worth walking.
But, and I so loved how you closed your letter,
"Walking on the wild side..."
Perfect! Fantastic! The girl seems to get it.

....Your Friend


So my prerogative is to commit to yourself and trust that your actions are what is best for you. It may seem a little selfish at the time, but I think we all are trying to do the best we can for ourselves in hopes to do some good around us.

We get to really go home when we decide that home IS where the heart lies, and when we're aware of our own heart. Most importantly....that it's always right!

EarthBound


Lyrics to song above!

Well I have been searching all of my days
All of my days
Many a road, you know
I’ve been walking on
All of my days
And I’ve been trying to find
What’s been in my mind
As the days keep turning into night

Well I have been quietly standing in the shade
All of my days
Watch the sky breaking on the promise that we made
All of this rain
And I’ve been trying to find
What’s been in my mind
As the days keep turning into night

Well many a night I found myself with no friends standing near
All of my days
I cried aloud
I shook my hands
What am I doing here
All of these days
For I look around me
And my eyes confound me
And it’s just too bright
As the days keep turning into night

Now I see clearly
It’s you I’m looking for
All of my days
Soon I’ll smile
I know I’ll feel this loneliness no more
All of my days
For I look around me
And it seems He found me
And it’s coming into sight
As the days keep turning into night
As the days keep turning into night
And even breathing feels all right
Yes, even breathing feels all right
Now even breathing feels all right
It’s even breathing
Feels all right

Here's to Inspiration

I can't stop typing,
Writing my thoughts onto this blank screen.
As the words and the symbols pour out what I've seen,
I feel my heart open like I've never foreseen.
I owe it to you for pondering aloud
Questions and comments your heart has found.

I type these words,
Writing all day and all night.
A deep breath I take, for there’s just one more thought I need to write.
Even after that my heart still aches, since I’m not sure if the words are just right.
I owe it to you for taking a moment to listen,
For now I can see my thoughts do glisten.

The Day After My Arrival Into Canada

The day after my arrival into Canada and I suddenly realized the little moments that I missed while I was away, but have never forgotten.
In no particular order here are just a few things I missed while I was away. Take for granted there are many people that are not photographed that were deeply missed as well; namely my brother Patrick& his son Holden; also my surrogate family, Mama Ross, Meesh, Nanny, Steph, Kylan, and Brett.
Love you all and glad to be back...for a little while.

Missing You With Every Piece of My Heart

I am sat here in the UK without a place to go and I think of you.
I am sat here in my place wishing I could walk over to you and give you more loving memories and more cherished moments we have shared together.
I am sat here on a divan thinking of how I would walk the world in a day only to be surrounded by your beauty, and your truthful essence.
I am sat here in my tears of sorrow listening to your voice telling me how strong I am in moments of weakness and sleepless nights.
I am sat here missing you with every piece of my heart.


I am such a fortunate soul to have an experience a lifetime that nobody will ever have in an eternity. No matter how tough times may get, no matter how many days go by I live without knowing what to expect the following day I still take the time to think of my blessed friend Tammie Beth Ross. She means more to me than any words can ever describe, and more than anyone can imagine. Those who cross her path are few of the lucky souls. If they get to know her they would be amazed by her simple beauty. Yet, if they get close enough to her and befriend this shinning star they can only be as greatful as I am.
Tammie, even though you have been worlds apart from me physically I know and feel that you are in my presence at all times. I hold you close to my heart everyday. I miss you so much; your smile, your laugh, your bright eyes, your courtesy, your touch and even your tears, for it is with all these things that make you real. Thanks for being real and showing me what it is to love and be with a friend, to love and be with a confidant and most importantly- to love and be with yourself.

EarthBound

Long Time No See

So, it has been quite a while since I've used my computer let alone been on the net. The only time I have come close to the net is when I was at a local chicken shop that also had internet services, and this is when I was looking for work- it's the only thing I can afford to do. I am desperate in finding work- but enough of that sob story. Getting on with why I am looking for work and checking in to see what has been going on in my little world today.
I have a few journeys that I would like to share with you, so here are a few slide shows.
#1. is in Devon, and in Hartland- South West Coast of the UK.
#2.is where I am currently situated.
#3.is the massive, majestic, and breathe taking art work- The Lincoln Cathedral that began being built in 1072 and was finished in 1092.

1.

2.

3.

Oxford Weekend

I went to a Blues Festival this past weekend and they were amazing.
On the Sunday I meandered along the streets of Oxford for part of the afternoon and these a few photographs of what I took.

It is Neither Here Nor There

I recently was told that my big move is due to the fact that I have lost myself in more ways that I can imagine. They said to me that I am traveling now to find who I am and what I ought to become in this life. I was bewildered that this person whom I felt such a strong connection with would think this of me. You can imagine how painful it was to hear that this person who loves me so dearly would think that my traveling was to confront my own demons and to escape the realities of my life in Canada. What hurt most was when this person told me that I follow not my mind, but think too much with my heart. It broke my spirit but for moment, for I realized it took me years to practice thinking with my heart rather than with my head, and I am proud in doing so. When you follow your heart true logic and reason will manifest itself. It's not always easy to follow your intuition; especially when logic and reason relates an opposing message.

Friends and family were a little hurt and stunned that I was going to a destination so far away, but they knew that traveling is a part of who I am. They knew as much as I did that I wanted to travel only to rejoice in the glory of being. Being an individual. An individual who is struck by the beauty of the world and who wants to explore it through the realms of education. Education that brings light to the power of the source we call Life. Life as I see it is but a journey to explore ourselves on a daily basis and to seek a more profound thought of who we are and where we ought to be in the present moment. I did not lose myself, but have gained another piece of myself. I also have found that who I am is neither here nor there, for we cannot not live too much in the past, nor live too much into the future. Time is fluid. Time is but what we make it, and Life is about not always knowing what will come next.

This message is not to announce that I know who I am, because we never truly know who we are. So I leave you with a quote that may elucidate the message I intend to communicate.
Yours truly EarthBound

"Honor Uncertainty. It's the Seed from which all Knowledge comes. Give it Time." Unknown

Being Me

Earth Quake!!

June 12, 2008

Alright, it's been a while since I've written. I've been quite busy with graduation, working and getting things sorted out- like my career. Have you ever felt like your world has been turn upside down and inside out, and you're not sure where to begin finding yourself again? These feelings tend to compel us to think that we never knew ourselves to begin with.

I recently realized how many things I began to let whittle away. Things that were ever so fruitful in my life, especially in time of despair. I wondered how is it possible that I can get into 'auto pilot' mode and just keep going and not ever stop to think of how tired my body must feel. Whether after a long week, or long night/day. We are always saying how we'll catch up with our sleep sometime soon, and soon that day has come and past. I admit, these days I am resistant to change at times and know what is required in order to keep an overall balance. Yet, I still choose the path of oblivion because most of the time emotional laziness takes over. Ignorance is bliss, but then it catches up with you at some point. When we resist change we risk blocking areas of our body, mind and soul that later reeks havoc if left unchecked. I know this rather well, for the last sixteen years my experience with having Crohn's disease taught me that when I resist change of any kind- good or bad, my gut feels like it's tied in knots, the butterflies in my stomach circulate in a whirlwind, my entire body begins to shift into a tension mode. My shoulders and head become riddled with tension in muscles I never knew I had. I used to be oblivious to these 'simple' signs; signs my body told me it was time to sleep and rest my mind, my body and my soul.

My experience, and a truly genuine good friend, have taught me that I must keep an overall balance when running along any path, so to stay 'awake' and be alert. Otherwise, my body was on the brink of collapsing once and for all. It quickly became evident that I needed to learn that, although I have all this great energy and am full of ideas, I must learn to slow my mindful pace and poor out this bountiful energy with even-keeled. Learning to relax does not happen over night, and beginning to read the tell tale signs that your body is blocked somewhere isn't either. It's up to us to find out the cause of the blockage; is it emotional, physical or mindful. It's to be honest with your 'self'- that's not always easy. Denial can play a huge role in our lives; as we deny that we can't do it, or can do it. In the past my body was directing me to be awake and become aware as to what was causing my intestines to blow up in flames so to speak- it was telling me that something is blocked. I was the culprit- blocking something that needed to happen and it was going to be up to me to find out what assuages my 'troubles' and help me find peace and balance in my life. We need to do it for ourselves so that others may learn along side. Let's face it- we are always going to be faced with 'obstacles' that get in the way of our dreams, and it's a forever learning journey to figure out not what makes us tick. It's not exactly what makes us tick, but how we come out the situation we feel uncomfortable in or feel overly excited about.

This year I have made a decision that was bound to set off good/bad tension for both me and my family/friends. Leaving Canada to teach and travel Europe was something I have been wanting to do for such a long time that it began to seem like a lost memory, as I continued to live my drone life. And so I leave my friends and family, but only for a moment in comparison to the rest of my life.
Enjoy the blogs of my travels.
EarthBound

More Flight of the Conchords

I had a slight addiction to Flight of the Conchords until recently. I'd like to add, they are a must share with your friends kind of humour!! I think these New Zealanders are freakin' halarious! "Business Time" is the first I ever heard of accidentally in one of my ECE classes back in October'07. Then it was "Albi, the Racist Dragon"
So, from there on in Kay and I made references to them in class non stop-


Business Time:



Albi, the Racist Dragon: Someone I have meant thought this was used in schools in New Zealand to promote anti-racism, funny.

Flight of the Conchords

Dear Kay,
To our many memories of ECE- the good ones!!