Earth Quake!!

June 12, 2008

Alright, it's been a while since I've written. I've been quite busy with graduation, working and getting things sorted out- like my career. Have you ever felt like your world has been turn upside down and inside out, and you're not sure where to begin finding yourself again? These feelings tend to compel us to think that we never knew ourselves to begin with.

I recently realized how many things I began to let whittle away. Things that were ever so fruitful in my life, especially in time of despair. I wondered how is it possible that I can get into 'auto pilot' mode and just keep going and not ever stop to think of how tired my body must feel. Whether after a long week, or long night/day. We are always saying how we'll catch up with our sleep sometime soon, and soon that day has come and past. I admit, these days I am resistant to change at times and know what is required in order to keep an overall balance. Yet, I still choose the path of oblivion because most of the time emotional laziness takes over. Ignorance is bliss, but then it catches up with you at some point. When we resist change we risk blocking areas of our body, mind and soul that later reeks havoc if left unchecked. I know this rather well, for the last sixteen years my experience with having Crohn's disease taught me that when I resist change of any kind- good or bad, my gut feels like it's tied in knots, the butterflies in my stomach circulate in a whirlwind, my entire body begins to shift into a tension mode. My shoulders and head become riddled with tension in muscles I never knew I had. I used to be oblivious to these 'simple' signs; signs my body told me it was time to sleep and rest my mind, my body and my soul.

My experience, and a truly genuine good friend, have taught me that I must keep an overall balance when running along any path, so to stay 'awake' and be alert. Otherwise, my body was on the brink of collapsing once and for all. It quickly became evident that I needed to learn that, although I have all this great energy and am full of ideas, I must learn to slow my mindful pace and poor out this bountiful energy with even-keeled. Learning to relax does not happen over night, and beginning to read the tell tale signs that your body is blocked somewhere isn't either. It's up to us to find out the cause of the blockage; is it emotional, physical or mindful. It's to be honest with your 'self'- that's not always easy. Denial can play a huge role in our lives; as we deny that we can't do it, or can do it. In the past my body was directing me to be awake and become aware as to what was causing my intestines to blow up in flames so to speak- it was telling me that something is blocked. I was the culprit- blocking something that needed to happen and it was going to be up to me to find out what assuages my 'troubles' and help me find peace and balance in my life. We need to do it for ourselves so that others may learn along side. Let's face it- we are always going to be faced with 'obstacles' that get in the way of our dreams, and it's a forever learning journey to figure out not what makes us tick. It's not exactly what makes us tick, but how we come out the situation we feel uncomfortable in or feel overly excited about.

This year I have made a decision that was bound to set off good/bad tension for both me and my family/friends. Leaving Canada to teach and travel Europe was something I have been wanting to do for such a long time that it began to seem like a lost memory, as I continued to live my drone life. And so I leave my friends and family, but only for a moment in comparison to the rest of my life.
Enjoy the blogs of my travels.
EarthBound